So I heard you like FBI agents...

[worktodo]

...which is too bad, because I can guarantee he doesn't like you. >>

Hey, Route, this is Alex, player of Yagyuu (usedlaserbeam) and Carmen Sandiego (doitrockapella) bringing you an unrepentant bastard from an early nineties TV show where highschoolers never go to high school and some guy investigates murders through the power of Tibetan glass bottles.

His name is Albert Rosenfield (that's A-L-B-E-R-T, which he will be happy to spell out for you) and he is basically the six-time gold medalist in the Snark Olympics, with a silver in Lack of Social Graces and the bronze in General Unpleasantry. He is also a special agent and forensic pathologist with the FBI, and coworker to one Dale Cooper, who is also quite possibly the only person who can stand him.





These men are discussing a murder investigation.


...I apologize in advance.

Anyway, he'll soon be arriving in Johto to win all of you over with the charm and likeability of a parasitic insect, so please:

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Comments

[worktodo]

not to mention it makes a ton of extra work for me because then i have to go hack up the body to help catch the asshole who did it. B(

and by inventing you mean stealing

[newberktown]

omg ew don't hack up mom catch the killer some other way

no we invent too because it's fun and mom would never force her kids to steal

[worktodo]

okay let's get one thing straight here kiddo

your dad is the one who catches killers with dreams and rock-throwing and log advice and mystic giants and two-stepping dwarves and homecoming queens who make out with his geriatric astral projection of himself

i hack up dead people

are we clear on that?

[newberktown]

...man dad's friend is so uncool

[tapestodiane]

not sure if want to call it uncool so much as difficult

you see son your uncle chose an admirable path for himself!




.. he just also made sure to take the rockiest most crooked and uneven one he could find when everyone else are perfectly content with the highway

[worktodo]

highways are for squares and people who think cowboy hats are appropriate investigative attire

yeah i just went there

[tapestodiane]

albert don't tell me you're still jealous about the prophecy i had regarding the sheriff

_KEYWORDS

[worktodo]

i am not jealous of a yokel with a guitar and a mean right hook





hey hey you you i don't like your boyfriend

[tapestodiane]

no, you're jealous about the fact that I already accepted him as a friend


_{look if you just stop that we could form an ot3 come on}

[worktodo]

coop, you would befriend a hunk of wood plucked out of the middle of the godforsaken forest, that is not actually saying a whole lot for the sheriff's friendworthiness here




no because he doesn't even wear a suit i mean how can you possibly be happy with a man who doesn't wear a suit

[tapestodiane]

well if i can't then i'm sure you can, albert, considering the quite firm manhug i witnessed not too long ago, or did that one slip your mind completely



_{there are plenty of things to enjoy about a man other than his fashion sense but if a suit is that important to you i am sure we can convince him to at least try}

[worktodo]

i do in fact have a response to that question and it is as follows:






wait how did this suddenly turn into you and me ganging up on harry like we've already accepted that an ot3 is immine — you sneaky bastard

[tapestodiane]

_{well i have a response to that question and it is as follows:}

[worktodo]

OHO, LITTLE DID YOU KNOW I AM ALREADY PREPARED FOR YOU:




PUT THAT IN YOUR COFFEE CUP AND DRINK IT

[tapestodiane]

but albert
you are not black as midnight on a moonless night

(I will concede damn fine though
and hot)

[worktodo]

I also don't taste like fish which I hear is always a bonus

(every day once a day treat yourself to me)

(or y'know more than once a day if that's your kind of thing)

[tapestodiane]

no no you got it all wrong
it's ah
quite distasteful actually if you can believe that


(trying to conclude whether you are a treat or not I mean there are strong arguments to be made for both sides here)

[worktodo]

now see this is exactly why you can't settle down in twin peaks

how can you live your life when every morning when you wake up and pour yourself a cup of coffee there is the pervasive, perpetual fear that there might have been a fish in the percolator

clearly you need to just stay in san francisco where you belong there are no fish



(don't even start with me i am the joy and delight of your heart and you know it)

[newberktown]

idk all the stuff he said you do seems pretty non-highway

also not my uncle I refuse

[tapestodiane]

oh i'm also on a different path and it's not even finished yet
a giant said so

but idk i'd say my path is at least nicer to walk
no metaphorical pebbles stuck in my shoes

[newberktown]

giants are cool and your friend is mean dad =c

[tapestodiane]

i know son, i know
just be patient with his ways if you can, and if not, you are hardly blamed :I

[newberktown]

sorry dad

i think i am siding with mom on this one, even if i am used to difficult viking

[doitrockapella]

Yes and that is because Mom is right (as usual) and also Uncle Albert is a stupidhead.