So I heard you like FBI agents...

[worktodo]

...which is too bad, because I can guarantee he doesn't like you. >>

Hey, Route, this is Alex, player of Yagyuu (usedlaserbeam) and Carmen Sandiego (doitrockapella) bringing you an unrepentant bastard from an early nineties TV show where highschoolers never go to high school and some guy investigates murders through the power of Tibetan glass bottles.

His name is Albert Rosenfield (that's A-L-B-E-R-T, which he will be happy to spell out for you) and he is basically the six-time gold medalist in the Snark Olympics, with a silver in Lack of Social Graces and the bronze in General Unpleasantry. He is also a special agent and forensic pathologist with the FBI, and coworker to one Dale Cooper, who is also quite possibly the only person who can stand him.





These men are discussing a murder investigation.


...I apologize in advance.

Anyway, he'll soon be arriving in Johto to win all of you over with the charm and likeability of a parasitic insect, so please:

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Comments

[tapestodiane]

albert don't tell me you're still jealous about the prophecy i had regarding the sheriff

_KEYWORDS

[worktodo]

i am not jealous of a yokel with a guitar and a mean right hook





hey hey you you i don't like your boyfriend

[tapestodiane]

no, you're jealous about the fact that I already accepted him as a friend


_{look if you just stop that we could form an ot3 come on}

[worktodo]

coop, you would befriend a hunk of wood plucked out of the middle of the godforsaken forest, that is not actually saying a whole lot for the sheriff's friendworthiness here




no because he doesn't even wear a suit i mean how can you possibly be happy with a man who doesn't wear a suit

[tapestodiane]

well if i can't then i'm sure you can, albert, considering the quite firm manhug i witnessed not too long ago, or did that one slip your mind completely



_{there are plenty of things to enjoy about a man other than his fashion sense but if a suit is that important to you i am sure we can convince him to at least try}

[worktodo]

i do in fact have a response to that question and it is as follows:






wait how did this suddenly turn into you and me ganging up on harry like we've already accepted that an ot3 is immine — you sneaky bastard

[tapestodiane]

_{well i have a response to that question and it is as follows:}

[worktodo]

OHO, LITTLE DID YOU KNOW I AM ALREADY PREPARED FOR YOU:




PUT THAT IN YOUR COFFEE CUP AND DRINK IT

[tapestodiane]

but albert
you are not black as midnight on a moonless night

(I will concede damn fine though
and hot)

[worktodo]

I also don't taste like fish which I hear is always a bonus

(every day once a day treat yourself to me)

(or y'know more than once a day if that's your kind of thing)

[tapestodiane]

no no you got it all wrong
it's ah
quite distasteful actually if you can believe that


(trying to conclude whether you are a treat or not I mean there are strong arguments to be made for both sides here)

[worktodo]

now see this is exactly why you can't settle down in twin peaks

how can you live your life when every morning when you wake up and pour yourself a cup of coffee there is the pervasive, perpetual fear that there might have been a fish in the percolator

clearly you need to just stay in san francisco where you belong there are no fish



(don't even start with me i am the joy and delight of your heart and you know it)