Yeah. I'm aware of all of this, even the repercussions it has on my chances of getting CR; I've thought a lot about it and how it's the root of my massive dissatisfaction with RP (and the resultant vicious cycle, whoops), I just don't talk about that part of it because I think/thought it'd have come off as really whiny of me if I'd been the one to bring it up. tbh, I've actually been hoping someone would say something about it, so I would know whether it was all in my head or not and have some kind of gauge on what it looks like from the outside.
The Dorumon drop wasn't actually due to a "character arc stall", like I said it was; it was RL stuff that...tangentially caused a sudden burst of self-consciousness over how obscure his canon was and how small his CR circle was and who it was comprised of. I went through a few days of "oh my god, nobody cares about this character at all except me, I'm being a huge nuisance to everyone and probably look like a huge attention whore going after the DR cast since that's the logical progression for him, etc etc". I regretted it about four hours after the drop, but...well, what can you do.
(Also, I was mortified that I hadn't made AC with him.)
^ I'm aware of how weh weh weh that all sounds, but rest assured I do realize it's all on me.
You're right about everything except my devotion to a planned-out arc; I love spontaneity, I love working with CR to make things happen, I just realize that because of past flaking I probably won't get significant CR quickly and I need to have a contingency plan to keep the character active in the meantime - not too hard in a setting as rich as R29's. Dorumon...I definitely could've kept him going if I hadn't had one bad week and panicked. That was a flat-out mistake.
I do app hoping that a character will stick, and I really, really want this one to - I think he's got a lot more to work with and can provide much more interesting CR than anyone I've played in the past. Kururu is a saint for giving me the opportunity she is, and I can't thank her enough for the hand she extended. After the Dorumon drop, I'm also trying to curb my...uh, anxiety? Sure why not - over how other players might perceive me and just...take them at their word, when it comes. I love playing from obscure canons, but lord can it strain the nerves sometimes.
tl;dr thanks for saying something, I need to cool it, I plan to and really, really hope I can stick to the plan. Let's aim for a full year with this guy...
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The Dorumon drop wasn't actually due to a "character arc stall", like I said it was; it was RL stuff that...tangentially caused a sudden burst of self-consciousness over how obscure his canon was and how small his CR circle was and who it was comprised of. I went through a few days of "oh my god, nobody cares about this character at all except me, I'm being a huge nuisance to everyone and probably look like a huge attention whore going after the DR cast since that's the logical progression for him, etc etc". I regretted it about four hours after the drop, but...well, what can you do.
(Also, I was mortified that I hadn't made AC with him.)
^ I'm aware of how weh weh weh that all sounds, but rest assured I do realize it's all on me.
You're right about everything except my devotion to a planned-out arc; I love spontaneity, I love working with CR to make things happen, I just realize that because of past flaking I probably won't get significant CR quickly and I need to have a contingency plan to keep the character active in the meantime - not too hard in a setting as rich as R29's. Dorumon...I definitely could've kept him going if I hadn't had one bad week and panicked. That was a flat-out mistake.
I do app hoping that a character will stick, and I really, really want this one to - I think he's got a lot more to work with and can provide much more interesting CR than anyone I've played in the past. Kururu is a saint for giving me the opportunity she is, and I can't thank her enough for the hand she extended. After the Dorumon drop, I'm also trying to curb my...uh, anxiety? Sure why not - over how other players might perceive me and just...take them at their word, when it comes. I love playing from obscure canons, but lord can it strain the nerves sometimes.
tl;dr thanks for saying something, I need to cool it, I plan to and really, really hope I can stick to the plan. Let's aim for a full year with this guy...